March 12, 2003
(Gordon, I can see why you
gave me this show to cover. 2 long hours, Thanks! NOT!!)
(Gordongram: What's up with all the hating? What do I
look like, a bottle of Hater-Ade?)
Hello Everyone! I have the absolute pleasure of covering
many women who will compete for the title of the "ALL
AMERICAN GIRL". What would Dr. Evil say?? Oh yea!
The judges are Suzanne de Passe (Former President of
Mo-town productions), John Salley (Former NBA star and
co-host of the show 'Best Damn Sports Show Period'), and
Geri Halliwell (Former Spice Girl). First, let me go
over the rules. Since this is the first show, it's
always a mess to write about. So I'll write, as I go.
DAY 1: There are 45 girls and by the end of the day,
half will be cut. They must perform on stage in front of
the Judges to show their particular skill. First girl up
is Tara Paige (20yr old; Phoenix, AZ) She does her
rendition of a 1950s dance. (She dances well and
received good praise from the judges.) The next girl up
is Natalie White (21yr old; Anderson, IN). She also
dances (I have no idea what she was doing), but out of
the 2 minutes these girls are allowed to perform, she
uses a whopping 30 seconds. The Judges weren't too
We next see a couple of clips of the girls performing
dancing, singing, comedy, or any hidden talent they
think they have. The next girl they showed was Venice
Monagan (25yr old; New York, NY), who is dressed up as
Michael Jackson and holding a bear (yes a bear) with a
towel over it. Sounds familiar? Any who, She dances the
'moon walk' and reenacts the 'baby scene with the bear
on stage.' Little does she know that one of the judges
(Suzanne) was one of the reasons Jackson 5 signed with
Motown prod. Suzanne wasn't a happy camper after viewing
(Gordongram - So I guess you could say that it was an
over-the-top performance? Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk)
Then Jaime Preston (25yr old; Las Vegas, NV) came up and
sang 'I will survive.' She sang ok, very short and even
tries to add points by winking at John Salley, the only
male judge. Geri was quick to point that out to Jaime
and say that's a no-no.
After the first part of the day, with all of the girls
on stage, They called up the first 6 girls and told them
based on their strong performances, they automatically
moved on to stage 2.
For the second part of the day, all of the girls who did
not automatically move on must perform something
different to the judges so that the judges don't miss
anything. Then only a total of 22 girls will move on to
Stage 2, where they will be judged on Personality,
Performance Skills, Intelligence, and Athletic Ability.
At the end of the day, the judges will compete for 5
girls to be on their team. On later shows, you, the
American public, will have to vote for the final 10
girls, and each week one girl will be eliminated based
on least votes, until there is only one girl left, the
'ALL AMERICAN GIRL', Got it? So on to the rest of the
The second part begins with some more brutal singing,
dancing, instruments, stand-up comedy and even poetry.
The rules are a bit different here; They could be
rejected or accepted on the spot after their
Venice (Michael Jackson impersonation) comes up again
and tries to impress the judges with her violin, but the
judges quickly tell her that she's not right for this
competition. Natalie (3 0secs girl) comes up next and
plays and sings Alicia Keys' 'Fallen.' The judges
immediately accept her to stage 2.
Most of the girls did better towards the end but
eventually more eliminations would have to begin. The
judges compromised behind stage on who they think should
be in the final 24. They gathered all of the remaining
girls, and in lines of rotating front and back, the
judges picked which girls that did not get as much
spotlight made it to stage 2.
STAGE 2: Athletic Ability (bikini time!!!)
Athletic competition was based on speed, dexterity and
agility as each girl had to compete in an obstacle
course ranked in time. The course consisted of them
swimming across a length of a pool, climbing over a
netted wall, crawling under a cargo net, stepping
through a tire track and finally, at the end, grabbing a
basketball and shoot it through the hoop. The girls had
only 3 chances to get the basketball in the hoop. If
they made it in one try, then they would get 5 seconds
taken off their total time. (Pretty simple huh? Heh heh
heh...maybe not; but who cares, its bikini time!!!)
(Gordongram - I bet you're really hating me now, eh?
Most of the girls found something challenging. For some
it was the diving in to the pool. For others, it was the
swimming. Some of the girls could barely climb the
netted wall or even crawl under the cargo net. The tire
track seemed easy - but then came the basketball shot.
First up is Ashley, She did well in the course and even
made the shot in her first try for a total of 44
seconds. Andrea, with an unorthodox swimming style,
finished up the course strong as her first shot hits
nothing but net in 39 seconds. Kira blew away everyone
with an impressive run (as she also makes her first
shot) with the event's best time of 30 seconds.
STAGE 3: Dancing
The next round of competition is geared towards their
dancing. The girls went through dancing exercises with a
professional choreographer before they had to perform on
stage in front of the judges. After two hours of
rehearsal, the girls are called up in 3 groups of 8.
Just before the performances start, Rachel received an
anxiety attack, couldn't perform on stage for group 3
and was rushed to the nurses station because her sugar
level was low after her dance workouts. Rachel was one
of the worst dancers and felt worried that the judges
would feel that she was trying to avoid the dance
The first group of 8 girls did great, according to the
judges. The second group of 8 ladies started extremely
slow but made it up with a good finish. The third group
of ladies (7, minus Rachel) seemed like the best out of
all three groups with a strong performance from start to
While the judges were reviewing there notes, (Guess who)
Rachel returns. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. But that
ploy does not work - Rachel does not make the final cut.
STAGE 4: INTELLIGENCE TEST
All the ladies then took a test for intelligence, more
than 2/3 of them passed. The other third didn't know how
many states there were in the U.S. or where the national
STAGE 5: PERSONALITY
Next, the girls have to tell a story on stage about
themselves or anything that the judges could use to
evaluate their personality with. One by one, the girls
went through personal interviews with the judges. The
judges asked basic questions like 'why we should pick
you', and picked out a weakness or a strong point that
the women have. Blah, blah, blah. You think this show
will have good ratings? At this point it's so bad that
you have to just watch it for the hell of it. Once
again, thank you Gordon for making me recap this show.
I'll kill you later.
(Gordongram - You didn't want to kill me during the
bouncy bikini obstacle course, did you? Nooooooooooo...)
STAGE 6: Coach/Judges grouping
In the final stage of the evening, the Coaches competed
in choosing their 'team' of 5 girls. As each girl is led
on stage, any judge who wants the girl on their
individual team will raise their hand. If none of them
raise their hand, the girl on stage is eliminated from
the competition. If more than one judge wants that
particular girl, then its up to the girl herself to
choose which team she wants to be on after she hears
from each judge why they want her. Got it? (Silly, but
you have to make the judges do something.)
One by one, each girl cames up and 11 of the 24 don't
make a team. Suzanne ended up with 5 girls on her team,
John with 4, and Geri with 4 as well. Because groups
consisted of 5 girls, John and Geri each had to pick a
girl from the remaining girls that they eliminated the
Suzanne's group - Natalie, Evelyn, Tara, Kerry and Alley
John's group - Ashley, Kelly, Shauna, Shannon and Andrea
Geri's group - Monica, Cari, Jessica, Melanie and
These are your final 15 girls and starting soon, America
can vote on who you think should move on. Thanks for
reading this (I hate first episodes, they are so long)
and I'll see you next week. (Gordon, I hate you, its
2am). (Gordongram - I have a feeling that there will
be much banter throughout this series...)
First let me start by saying, America and I are praying
for the families and friends of the Troops in Iraq to
come home safely and soon. (Gordongram - My thoughts
Ok two weeks later, three groups of five and each group
will lose one member. FUN! FUN! FUN!! Gordon, I hate
you! When will this show be cancelled?! (Gordongram -
Ahhhh - feel the loooooove...) Only ratings will
tell. Anyway let me get started:
Day 1: All of the girls went through a series of beauty,
fitness and singing competitions. Evaluations were
handled by Veronica, beauty specialist; Daniel, fitness
trainer and Michele, vocal coach.
The fitness section went by real quick as Geri's group
looked like the weakest here. Next up, beauty specialist
Veronica takes some shots at girls and points out all of
their imperfections. All of the girls got made over and
I was impressed with the results.
Each group was then evaluated for their vocal talents.
In Suzanne's Group, they all sang well. Suzanne said in
singing, she thinks Evelyn is the weakest and also the
one with a bad temper. Geri's Group was so-so in this
portion and the girl who didn't do well here was
Christie. John's group didn't do any better than the
last two. John had two girls who just sucked and had no
emotion in singing; Andrea and Kelly.
Day 2: The judges watched their girls, one by one and
together, dance. Some girls were nervous and some felt
they had to show something - especially after their
singing in Day 1. In Suzanne's group, they danced pretty
well and so far it's hard to judge who will be the one
out here, but maybe Evelyn's singing in Day 1 will give
her the ax. Geri's group, on the other hand did ok, but
the girl who didn't do well in this portion was Christie
and so far she seems like she's 0 for 2. In John's
group, it was obvious he was going to pay attention to
Andrea and Kelly. Andrea danced well, but Kelly looked
like she was trying too hard and didn't look good at
all. What do I know? Let's see the results in Day 3.
Day 3: ELIMINATION
Alley, Natalie, Tara, and Kerry are Safe
Evelyn - OUT
Monica, Cari, Christie, and Jessica are safe
Melanie- OUT Geri: 'You can sing but you're not an
Ashley, Shannon, Shauna, and Andrea are safe
Kelly - OUT John: 'I know you can dance, but in order to
be an All-American Girl, I don't think you have what it
Well I think the only shocker to me was Melanie's, but
it's only the beginning. Next week there will be another
3 girls eliminated; one from each group again. So my
prediction for next week would be Alley from Suzanne's
group, Christie from Geri's group and Andrea from John's
group. See you next week, if there's still a show!
April 2, 2003
I can't believe this
show is still here. Anywho, lets get the party started.
A week later and 3 more girls are about to get the ax (1
from each group) then the final 9 (3 a group) will be
eliminated by you America (YAY!)
On to the show. Gordon, just shoot me now.
(Gordongram: If I shoot you now, then I have to cover
this dredge for a few more weeks. Not a chance.)
Day 1: THE GIRL'S APT
Each team got their own APT and each group was told they
had to throw a party for their judges. They will be
judged on Charisma, Social Skills and Personality.
Sounds like fun, NOT!
The groups seemed stressed as they have to not only live
with each other they have deal with other on a full time
basis. Let's see how it takes its toll.
Geri's team though seemed more relaxed and bonded. Geri
was the first judge to show up and was greeting by
singing from the group saying 'Welcome to our party',
which was cool and Geri seemed to love it. I bet that
will make her final decision even tougher.
Things start to change though as the girls are hit by a
surprise. Each judge brought a guest with them to test
the girls personality.
John brought with him Cheryl, a event producer, who will
help him see how they deal with criticism. Geri brought
John, a Comedian, to test the girl's humorous side.
While Suzanne wants to know how informed they are with
help of her guest, Loretta, a Congresswoman.
In Suzanne's group, Carri was asked by Loretta, 'What
would you change in the world?' She seemed to bullsh**
her way through it and Tarah cut her off and finished
the answer with more bull.
In John's group, Cheryl was very critical on everything
- food, decoration and the girls clothing. The girls
didn't look comfortable at all here and that's part of
John's plan to see how they deal with pressure.
Geri's group was a bit more fun, especially since they
were being judged on humor and they already bonded. They
told jokes, of course, and laughed throughout dinner.
Once each of the guests leaves, the Judges get some
alone time with the girls. In Suzanne's group, they
talked about what book they were currently reading and
Tarah tried to make herself look good by saying how she
wrote a novel and girls at this point, seemed to be
frustrated with her immaturity.
Geri's group still looked relaxed and talked about their
first loves. This showed Geri their openness to talk
In John's group, the conversation starts off light and
then it starts to get emotional. I guess they tried to
make John's decision even more difficult with the guilt
Things went in another direction from here. Each Judge
will automatically send two of their four girls to the
next round, leaving two left both being put on probation
to let them know that one of them is going home. Those
two, in each group, would have to persuade their Judges
by preparing a 1 minute speech in less than 12 hours on
why they should stay. 'Got me?' good.
Now, Geri picked Monica and Kira to move on, so Jessica
and Kristi are on probation.
Suzanne picked Natalie and Ali to move on, so Carrie and
Tarah are on probation.
John picked Ashley and Shannon to move on, so Shauna and
Andrea are on probation.
My predictions at this point, to leave, are Shauna,
Tarah and Kristi.
So now with moment of truth being here, we begin with
Carrie and Tarah in Suzanne's group.
Carrie: 'I felt like quitting in the beginning but I've
grown to understand what I need to do and it has brought
the best in me and I won't stop being that way, I'm
going to only get better.'
Tarah: 'I'm a great dancer and I have a great voice,
although I need to find my style. I got a lot of
athletic training and academically well rounded, I think
I have a lot of potential and if I channel in the right
direction I think I would shine through.'
'Huh?' is right on Tarah's speech; it sounded like such
bull the whole time.
Andrea: 'I guarantee that if I move on to the next
round, you will see who I am. When I do move on, I will
excel, I will succeed, I will push, I will drive and I
will win. I will not let you down. That's why I am the
All American Girl.'
Now, doesn't that sound like a well thought out speech?!
Shauna: 'I know how lucky I am to be here, the All
American Girl has heart and I have heart. I have shown
flaws but I have heart. I am representing all American
girls. I have substance and I am your All American
I'm not even going to say a word on the last speech,
I'll let you ponder. Geri's group:
Kristi: 'There was a time when I was younger and I had a
very trusting heart and I got burned. I used to let
something that was trying to entertaining me not get to
me and I know I've shown flaws but by showing my
imperfection and vulnerability and getting better shows
that I'm the All American Girl.'
Jessica: 'When I was a little girl, my dad told me that
I was the carpenter of my own life and that everything I
did, built my life to what I would be doing tomorrow; my
attitudes and the choices that I made. He always talked
about a solid foundation and that's what I'm all about.
In my heart I feel like I have what it takes.'
Now that the judges seen their speeches, its time for
their heartbreaking decisions.
John picks Andrea, Suzanne picks Tarah, and Geri picks
Kristi to stay.
Carrie, Shauna and Jessica get the boot. Don't let the
door hit your butt. Damn, I bit my tongue; another
The three girls who were cut get another chance, one of
them will be saved for next week's show to make 10
finalists. This time around, the judges' decision
doesn't count. The 9 girls must select in a secret
balloting who they want back of the 3.
The 9 girls voted and Carrie got 3 votes from her own
team, Jessica also got 3 votes from her team and now the
vote comes down to John's team. Jessica gets one vote
making her vote total 4, and Carrie got another vote so
she also has 4. Now its down to Andrea to make her vote
- and she selects Jessica, which means that Jessica
makes it with 5 of 9 votes.
Suzanne's group: Natalie, Tarah, Ali
Geri's Group: Jessica, Kristi, Monica, and Kira
John's Group: Shannon, Andrea, Ashley
So now that we have the final 10 girls, You, America
must vote, and it should be interesting. See you next
week and don't forget to vote!
So ABC decides
to give Bachelor 3 a two hour special, which moves ALL
AMERICAN GIRL to the following week, which gives me a
break from this dreadful show. Smart move, but they
moved it to Thursday in prime time. That's equivalent to
a 3am Manhattan access channel; meaning no ratings and a
whopping 2 million viewers. Ouch! To make it worse, they
really didn't try to advertise this move very much
because I ended up recording only the last hour of the
two hour special. This recap will be short and I'll try
to make sense of it. So here we go...
We start with 10 girls, and two will be eliminated in a
few minutes by a panel of judges (just for this week -
you guys get to vote from now on), as the girls tried to
make a good impression to the live audience. All 10
girls, one by one, did a quick 15 second dance in front
of the crowd. At this point, it almost seemed like the
crowd was forced to cheer as most the girls couldn't
dance except for Monica (the former cheerleader) and
Tarah ( a former winner of a dance competition at the
age of 8).
The early part of the 2nd half of the show has the girls
standing before the crowd and they call out 5 girls -
Natalie, Jessica, Ali, Shannon and Tarah - to the front
line. The remaining back line is safe; so out of these 5
girls, 2 are out. Shannon makes it, then Natalie, down
to the last 3 Ali, Tarah and Jessica. Tarah was the
first to be let go and then Ali, as Jessica moves on to
the top 8.
The eight remaining girls are battling for America's
vote and it's up to you to vote for the All American
Girl. The girls start off the 2nd half of the show by
performing 'I'm so excited'. They sung ok, but singing
was never a big deal throughout this series. Cancel the
show already!! I hate you Gordon. Why can't they have a
(Gordongram - Because a bikini contest would make the
guys happy, and ABC doesn't want to make us guys happy
because their demographic is...well, I've given up
trying to figure out what their Thursday night
demographic is. Gee, I wonder how Millionaire did in
this time slot. From Millionaire, to Push, Nevada, to
The remaining girls are gathered on stage and are all
asked one question that they would have to answer after
the commercial break. They were asked, 'If you could
change one thing about yourself, what would it be and
why?' Keep in mind the girls have head-phones on, so
they can't hear what each girl is saying; here are their
Natalie: God has made me what I am today and I'm happy
for who I am.
Shannon: I would change my impatience
Ashley: I want to be cool, and people are cool and I
want to be cool.
Jessica: I want my rib cage fixed so that I have I have
a better body.
Christie: I wish I was more confrontational when it
comes to talking to people.
Kira: I need to be more decisive, I love to spend money
Andrea: I need more confidence; I like to freak out on
the little things.
Monica: I would like to change my big teeth.
Next up, the girls dance to the tune of 'Disco Inferno'.
One by one, they dance solo to impress the crowd.
Shannon did well and so did Natalie, but Jessica and
Andrea looked like they were spinning around rather than
The girls were now put to a test on climbing a rock
wall. The first group (Monica, Ashley, Jessica and
Andrea) had to slide down a pole, then climbed the rock
mountain. Andrea had a slow start, clipping on to the
Harness and she was the last to start climbing - but she
still beat the other 3 girls. The 2nd group (Kira,
Christie and Ashley) competed for the same setup but
Natalie had to sit due to medical restraint because her
arm has torn ligaments. As the 2nd group was close to
the end, it was down to Shannon and Kira - they had to
look at the replay to name Kira the winner of group 2.
Each judge had to choose one of there members to speak
in front of the crowd. John picked Ashley, Geri picked
Jessica and Suzanne only had Natalie left. The three
girls pleaded to the audience and to America of why they
should be picked.
Next week, two girls will be eliminated from the top 8.
After each show, the telephone, text message and online
vote polls will be open up to two hours after. Don't
watch the show (it's not worth it, watch Friends or
something). But if you want to vote, go to ABC.com for
the best route. See you next time.
Well I think now
I'm convinced that ABC is trying to get rid of this
show, because once again when you think the show is on
Thursday at 9 or 10, they show it at 8pm - the same time
with NBC's powerhouse Friends and CBS's powerhouse
Survivor. So I just so happened to turn to it at 830 and
noticed I missed half the show, poor me (NOT!). So
here's the 2nd half of the show-
At this point of the show, there was only 6 girls of the
8 there. So this means they booted the 2 girls with the
least votes. The two girls missing were Ashley and
Shannon, both from John's group.
The girls have to participate in using gymnastic rings
swinging over the audience from point A to point B and
Two girls go at a time and the first group were Andrea
and Monica. Andrea took full control of this event and
breezed through it to the finish. Monica, on the other
hand, had some problems as she eventually was stuck at
one point and gave up.
in the second group were Jessica and Christi and they
both did well, but Jessica edged it out for the win. The
3rd group had Natalie and Kira and Natalie burst to the
lead (bad shoulder and all) and finished it. Andrea was
the fastest of the 6 girls to finish with 33.04 seconds.
Next up, each coach has to plead to the audience why
they should choose their pick for the All American Girl.
1st coach was John and since Andrea was only person in
his group left, it was easy for him to choose her.
John: 'This is the All American Girl, I put her through
hell and she has stepped up and fought through it and
she is the only choice you have.'
Geri still had all 4 girls in her group - Geri: 'I'm not
going to make a plea. I'm going to tell you the truth.
They all overcame there weaknesses and came through. The
fact that they are all still here and all still together
shows they have heart and what it takes to be your All
American Girl. I will leave it up to you because any of
these 4 could be the one.'
3rd coach Suzanne also had one girl left in Natalie -
Suzanne: 'Over my career, I had the opportunity to work
with some really talented group of people. Natalie
embodies what it takes and what really makes her special
is that she has great character, heart and
determination. All those qualities should be what the
All American Girl is about and I hope you will choose
With 6 girls remaining and despite show ratings being so
low, the show is still on. The results will be shown
next week as they will eliminate 2 more girls and the
final four will move on for more competition. If you
have my prediction, I think it should be Jessica,
Andrea, Natalie, and Monica in the top four. That would
leave Christie and Kira out, but with my luck I'll be
completely wrong. Tune in next week to find out.
May 1, 2003
So ABC decides
once again to move AAG. This time completely off ABC.
Sounds like it's gone, right? Wrong! They decided to air
it on ABC family for its last two episodes and make the
last one an 8 hour compliation marathon! Poor me. WHY
me?! Then it gets even better; ABC.com said the show
will be on Abc family at 10pm Thursday. The show was a
no-show, instead they played Who's line is it anyway.
(laughing) Is this the end? I damn hope so... but if not
there's still 6 women and 4 will move on to the final
four for the final two episodes. Will we see this show?
Only ABC knows because I for sure don't, neither does
America and will you miss it? You probably dont even
watch! Anyway, if there's a show I will send it to
Gordon to post it here for you (and I hope I won't have
to) but we'll see. Until then, go love a section.