Game Show NewsNet - The Amazing Race: Family Edition

"I Don't Kiss, I Make Out! - Leg 4" - October 18

PIT STOP: SPACE SHUTTLE PATHFINDER, U.S. SPACE & ROCKET CENTER, HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA

It was a tiring and wicked number of days for the eight families left after they departed Virginia. They flew to South Carolina and either trudged through the mud or chopped through the shrimp. Then, after a LONG bus ride, they arrived in Huntsville and withstood over three times the force of gravity before parking in front of the mock-up of a Space Shuttle. The Bransens won the leg and free gas for life (which is even BETTER than the million bucks at THIS time in history) with the Linz family not far behind. The Gaghans are in dead last now because the Aiello father and sons-in-law were kicked out.

After 12 hours of rest, Walter, Elizabeth, Lauren and Lindsay Bransen rip open their clue for THIS leg at 1:15pm ET:

ROUTE INFO:

Find the largest office chair in the world. It is in the town of Anniston, Alabama (over 100 miles away) and you must drive your SUV there. On the seat, you will find your next clue. You have $51 for this leg of the Race.

Walter is, as always, tired. After all, he IS a 51-year-old pencil-pusher. But, with the first clue, the adrenaline kicks in and he's ready to Race... no matter HOW much his daughters think they're in a backwards state.

Next out of the blocks, three minutes later, are the Linzes. Nick, Alex, Megan and Tommy sprint out of the PIT STOP, assured in their family unity and just looking for a way to get to first. 15 minutes later, Mark, Char, Stassi and Mark Schroeder leave to find that office chair. Stassi is NOT used to being the "underdog"; she WANTS her family to win. The Sisters Godlewski head out at 1:44am...and immediately argue about who's driving and where.

It's nearly TWO HOURS after the lead pack are gone before the Widow Weaver and her wonderful kids wace...er, race out of the parking lot. Linda gets Rebecca, Rachael and Rolly to raise a referendum to the Risen One that their Race is not reeked with wrecklessness. (DAMN, too much illiteration! Have I been gone THAT long?!) The Schroders don't really like the Weavers because they don't believe they're sincere with their "peace, love and harmony" message. Well, whatever. At 3:50pm, the Paolos leave...and they IMMEDIATELY misplace their ROUTE INFO envelope. The Rules of the Race state that EVERY clue must be collected during each leg in order to not incrue a penalty...so they find it rather quickly and loudly. Son DJ and mother Marion argue over it...but son Brian and father Tony KNOW they love each other. At 3:53, over two-and-a-half hours behind the leaders, Jim, Tammy, Billy and Carrisa Gaghan leave. Carrisa is defenitely the motor behind the team; despite being only 9 years of age, she says she has what it takes to keep the team going! And go they do, towards the Paolos. The Paolos kick into second gear and get out before the Gaghans...but while the arguers take I-65 like many of the other Racers, the Gaghans take an alternate route. Good idea? Well, we'll see when the teams get to...

ANNISTON, ALABAMA

The Bransens are the first to the little town and look around, trying NOT to miss a ginormous office chair with two people standing on it and two ladders leading to and from the seat where the Route Marker is. It doesn't take long, and Lauren climbs the ladder and sprints across the seat to find:

ROUTE INFO:

Drive yourselves to Talladega, Alabama (only 18 miles away) and find the International Motorsports Hall of Fame. Search the museum for your next clue.

Walter knows that Talladega has a big stock car race or two each year... and the family thinks that the Weavers would not take it well since the father was KILLED in a car race. As such, the Weavers don't even LOOK at anything associated with a race track. Ooooo...this is GONNA hurt.

Alex Linz is the second to hit the chair and get the clue to Talladega. Nick says he'll go back home and build a chair BIGGER than that one. As they pull out, the Schroeders pull in and Mark climbs and grabs the clue. The Godlewskis nearly drive PAST the chair somehow, but Tricia gets the clue, cementing their fourth place for now en route to...

INTERNATIONAL MOTORSPORTS HALL OF FAME, TALLADEGA, ALABAMA

In one of the few spots where Indy cars, stock cars, drag racers and Formula 1 cars meet, the Bransens arrive and almost IMMEDIATELY find the next clue:

ROUTE INFO:

Make your way to the Talladega International Super Speedway, the biggest motorsports facility in the world. Once you get there, find the marked vehicles on the track and do one lap around the 2.6-mile main track. Once everyone completes the lap, a race official will give you the next clue.

(What they don't know is what KIND of vehicles they have to do a lap in. No, I won't spoil it for ya yet...)

The girls are so PSYCHED about going around the Super Speedway as they and their pop leave. The Linzes later arrive and likewise find the clue in no time flat. As they leave to go to the track, the Schroeders and Godlewskis arrive and get the clue to...

TALLADEGA SUPER SPEEDWAY, ALABAMA

Through the tunnel the Bransens excitedly jog, looking forward to racing the lap. But...their excitement diminishes when they find out what they're riding. It's not a stock car...or Indy car...or even a "midget car". It's...a multi-person bicycle?! Ayup, the four members of the team will have to pedal this "partybike" around the Speedway track. Suddenly, the excitement is gone. But, still, they hop on and, with "Walder" driving, start their lap.

Meanwhile, back at the office...chair, the Gaghans arrive in fifth. Their alternate route worked; they travelled a shorter distance than the other families of the second pack. Carrisa is cheered as she mounts the ladder and scales it to the chair seat. She grabs the clue and the family take off for the speedway. The Weavers are next to the chair just as the Gaghans depart. Not to be outdone, Rolly (the youngest Weaver) likewise jumps to the ladder. They're not that far behind the "rugrats"...but they DO face a personal crisis. Can they even ENTER the Hall of Fame without breaking down?!

And the Paolos...well, they ain't in LAST. Brian gets the clue while DJ and Marion argue...AGAIN!

The Bransens are on the backstretch, peddling and drinking their water, as the Linzes arrive. They are LIKEWISE bummed that they're not gonna get anywhere NEAR 100mph. Still, they're up to the task and seem to be having more fun than the Bransens. The Schreoders are VERY unhappy to see the bikes...but swallow their pride and start peddling.

And DOWN DA STRETCH DEY COME! The Bransens huff and puff, but they cross the finish line. No, not that FINISH LINE!, silly. They don't win a million for this. All they win...is their next clue:

ROUTE INFO:

Drive to Hattiesburg, Mississippi (about 260 miles away) and find the Southern Colonel. Once there, look around for your next clue.

(Again, it's a mystery. The "Southern Colonel" is a trailer home dealership...but the clue doesn't bother to MENTION that. And the fact that the clue-box is found at NIGHT leads me to believe it might take a good while to find it.)

The Godlewskis are the next to the Hall of Fame and they sprint to the Speedway in fourth place. Meanwhile, the Linzes and the Schreoders continue their peddling...and wonder what the Weavers will do when THEY arrive.

Such as it is, they're NOT happen. So they decide to get into the museum, find the clue and get the hell OUT before the exhibits remind them too much about their departed papa. But when they read that they have to do a lap around the Speedway...the kids say that they can't do it! Still, Rebecca pushed them on, saying that their daddy LOVED racing and this would be a GREAT way to move on.

The Schroeders make an unscheduled pit stop at the backstretch because Mark wants to raise his seat in the hopes of getting more power out of his pedalling...something his family does NOT appreciate. Meanwhile, the Linzes finish the lap and head off to Hattiesburg still in second. As they leave, they pass the Weavers and tell them about the whole bike thingy. The sisters arrive as the Schroeders finish in third. The Godlewskis are on the track as the Weavers start. The sisters depart in fourth.

As the sun begins to sink, the Gaghans arrive at the Hall and get the clue to the Speedway. As they approach, the Weavers - who are much happier now that the lap has cleansed their soul somewhat - finish the lap and depart in fifth. The Gaghans hop on the bike and start...but Carrisa can't even REACH the pedals. She's more-or-less dead weight.

And the Paolos? They reach the Hall clue and Tony is PUMPED about driving a race car! As they head for the track, the three Gaghans push their bike AND their youngest member to the finish. The Paolos are VERY upset about a) being on a bike and b) being in LAST. But they grin and bear it somehow.

On the road to Hattiesburg, the Bransens and Linzes are neck and neck as a thunderstorm picks up (actually, it's Hurricane Dennis...and a sense of foreshadowing waves through the room...). But the Bransens are not about to let the Linzes pass them and go unpunished. As the Linzes pass by...Lindsay MOONS them. Alex gets back at them by pulling up his shirt like it was Mardi Gras and demanding, "YOUR TURN!" Thankfully, Lindsay does NOT oblige.

The Paolos finish the lap and leave in last at last just as the T-storm starts to approach the Speedway. They do NOT argue for once; they just get in the car and make their way to...

HATTIESBURG, MISSISSIPPI

As night descends (and I find out I was wrong), t he Bransens decide to find out where the "Southern Colonel" is by stopping at a gas station and consulting a phone book. The Linzes follow them in...but the girls and their father find out quickly about the trailer dealership and head out. The Linzes sneak behind them and follow them to the clue box. And inside is this little tidbit:

ROUTE INFO:

Welcome to your temporary new home. You're spending the night here, so search the 37 trailer homes in this lot for one with one of three depature times (7:20am, 7:40am and 8am, though the teams don't know this). Once you find the trailer you want and remove the tag from the depature time, the trailer is yours to stay in and you cannot change your time.

While the two families split up to find the best time, the Schroeders arrive in town and flag down a sheriff to find out about "Southern Colonel" But...the prospect that it's a mobile home dealer just sounds TOO crazy for them to get their heads around. The Godlewskis ask some pedestrians in an internet cafe for help. The Weavers go to another gas station for directions. The Schroeders overrule their dad and go to the same station to CONFIRM what the sheriff said. Uh,...oops.

The Bransens find a 7:40 time and shout it out to the lot. The Linzes find a 7:20 time and decide to take it. Then they tell the Bransens what they SHOULD get...and they do. So the two teams arriving there will be two of the first teams to leave.

Just then, the Godlewskis arrive, spotting the other teams...AND spotting the Weavers right BEHIND them. The seven women and one boy stealthfully search the homes. The Sisters Godlewski find a 7:40 and take it. The Weavers decide not to mess around and grabs the first tag they get to...which, unfortunately, is an 8am departure.

Mark Schroeder is NOT happy...and it's upsetting Stassi SO MUCH! Finally they find the park...and Mark comforts her daughter as Char reads the clue. They first find an 8am departure...but Stassi doesn't want to HEAR it and they continue to search.

"Wake up and put your shoes on, kids; we're and the Colonel's houses." The Gaghans arrive and immediately find an 8am ticket, taking it (despite Carrisa thinking the trailers are EEEEVIL). And the Paolos...they CURSE as they stumble upon the park. But they're in LUCK...because Mark Schroeder decides to just put an end to this night and take the next tag...which is the last 8am starting time. Stassi is crying and upset...and that means the Paolos grab the last 7:40am depature time and move into a tie for third!

7:20am departure: Bransens & Linzes
7:40am departure: Godlewskis & Paolos
8am departure: Weavers, Gaghans & Schroeders

It's the middle of the night when the teams pack in their trailers and go nighty-night, so it's only around 5 hours of sleep for the 28 remaining Racers. The Bransens and Linzes awaken to find a clue on the windshields of the SUVs. And the clue:

ROUTE INFO:

Drive yourselves to Richland, Mississippi (about 84 miles away). (PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALERT!) and find a BP gas station off of US 49 S. Look inside the store for a guy named Les, who will give you your next clue.

(Halfway through an episode and no DETOUR or ROAD BLOCK? What the...?!?)

As they head down the highway, the Linz boys just CANNOT stop talking about the Bransen women, calling them, among other things, hot. But there's no time to chit-chat. Twenty minutes behind them are the Godlewskis and the Paolos...and twenty minutes behind THEM are the other three families, all itching to get as fast as legally possible to...

RICHLAND, MISSISSIPPI

Sadly, Gary Burghoff was nowhere to be found when the Bransens and Linzes arrived at the British Petroleum/Amoco/Gulf petrol station. But there WAS a Les...and he was more than happy to give them a clue envelope:

ROUTE INFO:

Drive yourselves to the "Pelican State" to the city of Madisonville (about 150 miles away). Find Fairview Riverside State Park. On the fishing dock, you'll find the next clue.

(What is this, the Mystery Leg?! The clue doesn't say that the "Pelican State" is Louisiana!)

The locals aren't too sure what the "Pelican State" is...but they GUESS it's good ol' LA (postal abbev.) and, after consultng maps, the two families motor towards the boot-shaped state. A little later, the Godlewskis get to the station...but they pass right BY it. They start to think they goofed when they looked behind them and see the Paolos pulling into said station...but they conclude that they went in to pick up something. Well, they DID...the next clue! As they fight to figure out what the Pelican State is, the Godlewskis finally decide to go back. They find out that they DID goof and head towards Louisiana in fourth.

Meanwhile, the 8am groups are headed towards the station. Stassi is a LITTLE better but not much, since her family's SUV is low on gas. They, the Weavers and the Gaghans arrive at just about the same time and get their clue. But...the Schroeders decide to gas-up for the long trip, meaning THEY'RE in last place.

Next on American Idle, Carissa annoys her family and the TV audience with the "Lucky Pen" song.

FAIRVIEW RIVERSIDE STATE PARK, MADISONVILLE, LOUISIANA

(As you may have guessed, the Race took place BEFORE Hurricane Katrina decided to turn most of southern Louisiana into an extension of the Gulf of Mexico. Hopefully, CBS will donate SOME money to the place nice enough to let their cameras into.)

The first family to the fishing pier is the Linzes. And, at LAST, we hit a:

DETOUR: Work or Play?

WORK - Head to the woods nearby and grab a two-man saw that lumberjacks use. Cut through a 12-inch thick log until you make four slices about two inches think. Once you have all four slices sawed, the sawyer will hand you your next clue.
PLAY - Louisiana has many casinos that play blackjack (or twenty-one). Go across the river to a riverboat casino and play 21 against a professional dealer. To win a round, each family member must beat the dealer (get a higher hand than his without being over 21) or the dealer must bust. Win three rounds and the dealer will give you your next clue.

(Oh, by the way, you must put on appropriate period clothing before doing EITHER task.)

Both teams decide to PLAY...and they run towards the changing rooms to put on some GAD-awful period clothing! Then they run to the canoes and paddle to the paddlewheel boat. Bluegrass music greets the Bransen family as they're escorted from the canoe to the small blackjack table, followed closely by the Linzes. It is here that the Paolos show up and decide on WORK instead. But...they're not too keen on the wardrobe. Ah, well, such is life going for a million bucks. As they come out with lumberjack clothing on, the Sister Godlewski arrive and, after misjudging how think a foot is, decide to WORK as well. It's not that bad for the Paolos.

Back on the boat, the Dad and Daughters Bransen are having no luck with blackjack. The GOOD news is neither are the Siblings Linz. It's the Bransens who strike first when the dealer busts. The Linzes...not so much. They're choking BIG time.

While the Weavers TRY to find the park in frustration, the Gaghans arrive at the DETOUR. Apparantly, the parents don't care about exposing minors to gambling because they decide on PLAY (well, OK, they decided they can't saw through wood with kids). While they row TO the boat, the Linzes row AWAY from it, deciding to saw the wood instead of being a slave to the luck of the draw. As the Gaghans start, the Bransens get their second won round.

Back on dry land, the Paolos are RIPPING through the lumber while the Godlewskis do their best to mimic them. The Linzes arrive and start on THEIR sawing. But it's the ever quarrelling Marion and DJ who slice the lumber first to get their fourth piece...and, thus, inconceivably, vault into first place! (There IS a devil, I just KNOW it!) And their reward for all their hard work? Just this: :

ROUTE INFO - PIT STOP:

Drive yourselves to the next PIT STOP: Preservation Hall in New Orleans. First, go across the world's longest bridge spanning Lake Pontchartrain into New Orleans. Park your car near the French Quarter at the corner of Burbon St. and St. Peter's St. and continue on foot to Preservation Hall, a 255-year-old monument and home to a famous jazz band. WARNING: the last team to check-in MAY be ELIMINATED!

(Did I mention this was pre-Katrina?)

Even THEY can't believe they're in the lead as they remove their plaid shirts and head for their SUV. Meanwhile, back on the boat, the Bransens finish THEIR task and win their third round. They're psyched at going to the PIT STOP...but they still have to row back first to do it. As they depart the DETOUR, they almost LITERALLY run into the Weavers, the 6th to the yellow envelope. They decide to PLAY, don those ugly frocks and start to row to the boat. Just before they do, however, the Linzes finish their sawing and depart in third.

Oh, yeah...the Godlewskis. They're still sawing away. But it sure ain't easy for them. Somehow, with the use of tag-team lumberjacking, they finish and depart in fourth.

On the boat, the Gaghans are GAGGIN'! All those hands and not a SINGLE win. And the Weavers...they win on their FIRST HAND! OK, that does NOT bode well for the team with the second-youngest Racer in history. It gets WORSE when the Weavers win again in the NEXT hand. Now Tammy is wondering if getting out of there and into lumberjack clothing wouldn't be a bad idea. At last, they decide to leave.

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA

o/~ The loooong and narrow bridge... (dum-dummm-dum-dummm) that leads...to N. O. o/~

The Paolos don't want to blow this lead. The Bransens are amazed at how long the bridge is. The Linzes are planning strategy when they arrive. And the Godlewskis? Well, they're making Christine CRY. But...this is a GOOD thing; it's stress relief for her.

Back in the casino, the Weavers' luck has turned as the cards have been bombing for them as of late. But, thankfully, the dealer busts and the Weavers go into fifth place. As they head back, the Gaghans start their sawwing...replete with Carissa wearing a catcher's mask. And, as they head to the bridge, who should pass them going the other way but the Schroeders? This makes them happy...abnormally so.

The Schroeders...they ain't happy. They now they're in last and they don't care to be eliminated in their home state. But, when they see that there's only one team at the DETOUR...and when they see how badly they're doing in sawwing wood...they figure that they have to WORK. But when they find out that the Gaghans are already two slices ahead, they figure to forget the brutality and hope in lady luck. As Jim and Tammy saw, the Schroeders win their first round.

But, as they win their SECOND round...the Gaghans cut through their final slice. It's time to haul ass to N'awlins. The Schroeders win their third round shortly afterwards...but they're currently leaving in last. Still, they DO know New Orleans...so they're still in it.

PIT STOP: PRESERVATION HALL, NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA

As Phil Keoghan and an official wait by the mat and the famous jazz band blows out "When the Saints Go Marching In", a family marches out of the rain and Phil announces them as "Team # 1" for the leg!

But it's NOT the Paolos! The Bransens snuck in and win the leg! So what could be better than free gas for life? Well,...nothing. But a trip to Orlando and Universal Studios will have to do. And it's all thanks to the Roaming Gnomes(TM) of Travelocity.

The Paolos are just happy that they fought from the back of the pack to claim Team # 2 status. They hug the Bransens as they hit the mat and Tony hugs Phil after the announcement. But...just how long will this happiness last, I wonder?

The Linzes find their way to the mat as Team # 3...and Phil comments on the "full moon" out on the highway. The "crazy women" of the Godlewski family arrive as Team # 4.

The last three teams park and jog their way around the streets towards the hall. But it's the Weavers who SOMEHOW find their way to the place first and are announced as Team # 5. They are relieved and OH so happy.

So...is it the Gaghans or the hometown heroes who are gonna make it to the mat in sixth and away from possible elimination?

The two families of father, mother, son and daughter race through the slick roads...

One turns into the hall and hit the mat...

...and Phil makes it official:

"Gaghan family...you'r team number six!"

The Schroeders' knowledge of the streets didn't help them. It was just too much of a deficit to overcome. Phil announces them as the last team to arrive.

And worse,...they're eliminated.

And even WORSE (though they don't know it at the time), Katrina will come in, bust the levees and flood their home.

But, at this time, Mark is sorry he made Stassi cry...and ironically thinks that his family can handle ANY crisis.

(For the record, the Schroeders evaced to Shreveport and the Rogers family (who were eliminated earlier in the Race). The Rogers' home survived...but the Schroeders' house was thrashed. It's being rebuilt right now...and everyone seems to be fine there.)