The Empire Strikes Back - December 14
[Did they pay
licensing fees to Lucas to use this title?]
The show starts with a quick recap of how badly Ryan
f(^_^)ed up the in-flight commercial for Song, getting
both his and Marcelas butts booted off the show.
Flashback to a previous reward dinner, where Jim states,
I am like a super-villain. Im really, really good at
being the bad guy. It is a game. [Will these words come
back to haunt him? This, and many other questions, will
be answered tonight
on
the non-renewed, pathetic attempt
to expand The Apprentice empire.]
Establishing shot of the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset:
Bethenny and Dawna look tired, and start to bitch about
how long they have been waiting to see if Ryan or
Marcela will return to the loft. Cut to the door: It
isnt opening. Cut to Jim: Hes sleeping. Cut to a
clock: Its ticking away the moments of our lives, like
an eternal death-knell sounding our doom. Cut to another
clock, and another clock, etc. ad nauseum. By midnight,
Dawna still thinks that Ryan and Marcela have been in
the conference room for three hours. Bethenny stuffs her
face in a mute reply. Jim shambles into the room, and
immediately figures it out: No one is coming back, he
says. Bethenny says, Wow! Is that possible?,
apparently forgetting the episode just a couple of weeks
back where two people were simultaneously let go.
In the morning, Martha calls the loft and Bethenny picks
up the phone. Martha tells them that they have to meet
her at her Connecticut offices, they have to wear
business suits, and they need to be prepared for a long
and interesting day. So they all hop into a van and head
east, snacking on breakfast items along the way. Dawna
is in a sleeveless shirt, while Bethenny has on a halter
top: doesnt seem very business-like to me. [I suppose
theyll put on blazers later.]
The candidates all enter a room where Martha is
small-talking with four of her executives. Martha notes
that between Dawna, Bethenny, and Jim, they have a
record as Project Managers of 6 wins to 1 loss. However,
now there are no more teams, and they are each on their
own. She introduces the four executives from Martha
Stewart Living Omnimedia. They are:
1) Susan Lyne, President and CEO of MSLO (they ate
dinner with her before [see above, for Jims faux pas]),
2) Jonathan Chernes, Senior Vice-President of Retail
Merchandising,
3) Gael [That isnt a first-name, its a tribal
affiliation] Towey, Chief Creative Officer and an old
crony of Marthas,
4) Margaret Roach, Editorial Director
Today is Job Fair Day on The Apprentice, as the
candidates will interview with each of the executives.
One of the candidates will be sent home. [How much do
you want to bet it will be Jim?] Jim says, With the
exception of marrying my wife, this is the most
important day of my life. [Well, we already knew that
the birth of your second child didnt rate, so this is
good to know.]
Jim enters Jonathans office, and immediately gets off
to a bad start. When Jonathan asks Jim to talk about
himself, Jim isnt sure what he wants to know. Jonathan
rolls his eyes and says that he wants to know why I
want to hire you. Dawna meets with Gael and tells her
that she knows how to make people focus on tasks. Dawna
tells the camera that shes more professional than the
other two remaining candidates. Bethenny tells Margaret
that shes now on her third career [Nice flub there,
Bethenny. Why dont you just tell her that you cant
hold a job?] Bethenny tells Gael that Dawna is the
strongest corporate-type person, and shes the strongest
creative-type. Susan wants to know if Jim has any
regrets regarding this whole 12-week interview
process. [Cmon Jim! Shes giving you a clear opening to
take back your comments about it all being a game.] Jim
looks puzzled, and Susan makes a note that he has no
regrets. However, just below this note is another saying
Mistake gets too excited. Then we get a rapid-fire
montage
ending with Jim making some ridiculous statement
to Jonathan about how he is a sapling who can grow
into a mighty oak with the proper nurturing. [Is that
some kind of homoerotic proposition?] Dawna continues
with her seemingly practiced responses, and Bethenny
continues to seem scatter-brained. [Apparently, having a
good rack got her where she is today. And the fact that
Charles has probably seen her naked {see my recap from
Week #1}.] And finally we get the best quote from the
interviews. Jim said, Im the worst candidate to work
for Martha Stewart Living, except for all the other
candidates that applied for this job
Its an easy [he
used air-quotes] job. Jonathan is flabbergasted: That,
[pause] is not true. Jim agrees, and laughs, seeming to
realize that he is now toast.
Martha, Charles, Alexis, and the rest of the crew all
meet in the conference room. Susan says that Dawna is
almost the whole package, but Im not sure she would do
anything that would surprise us. Gael says that Dawnas
responses were too pat, and Jonathan interjects that
this simply reflects practice and experience. Margaret
was impressed with Dawna.
Jonathan thought Bethenny was very high energy, almost
manic, but she was the only one of the three that I
could picture working in any division of the company.
Susan says that shes entrepreneurial, but seems to flit
through things as they disinterest her. Margaret likes
Bethennys scrappiness, and Martha adds that she also
flitted between interests earlier in life.
Susan is still ticked off about Jims comments at dinner
two weeks ago where he said he had a strategy to play
the game. [Of course, anybody would be well-advised to
have a game strategy if they were a contestant on a show
like this; although they would also be well-advised to
keep their mouth shut about their strategy in front of
the people who could influence the final decision.]
Jonathan remarks that he couldnt understand a word that
Jim said: Jim may be talented and creative, but I dont
know if I would feel comfortable having him at my side.
Gael says that working with Jim would consume an
enormous amount of time.
Martha calls the candidates into the conference room,
and gets right down to brass tacks. When she starts to
mention Jims comments about strategy and games, he
spouts off some more nonsense and digs a deeper hole.
[The rest of Marthas comments to Jim were clearly
dubbed in later.] You are a loose-cannon, and youve
managed to alienate a lot of your teammates
and here at
MSLO, we just cant tolerate that kind of behavior.
Youve played it your way, now Ill play it my way. The
games over Jim. Youre out of here. He quiets down and
averts his eyes for a moment. Then he stands up, offers
a hand to shake, and says the experience has been
wonderful. As he picks up his bags, hes all smiles and
says, Its all good, and thanks the receptionist for
her help; but he cant speak in more than a whisper, as
if hes almost ready to cry.
Martha tells Dawna and Bethenny that they each get to
pick three former candidates to work for them on their
final task. They return to the loft to find a bottle of
champagne on the table, along with a scrapbook of photos
of their vanquished foes [a recap mechanism obviously
stolen from Survivor]. They note that they each started
on opposing teams, Creative vs. Corporate.
The Scrapbook:
Jeff I didnt get to know him very well [No duh!]
Chuck Although I love you Chuck, I dont need a
nervous breakdown
Shawn - Shes gorgeous. I cant believe how much weve
done
Dawn - I really like her [Thats funny, because no one
else did]
Jen Jens beautiful [If you cant say anything good
about their character, then say that they looked good]
David David was a cutie [See! Just like I said above]
Sarah and Carrie Sara probably hates me because I
called her a liar [You betcha, Bethenny]
Howie Howie the hog
Amanda Amanda and I will probably end up good friends
Leslie A phenomenal salesperson
Marcela and Ryan Its so sad, because they both became
friends
Jim I think hes a really good guy. Hes got some
growing up to do, but hell be very successful
They decide to choose their teams. Dawna thinks they
should write down their choices, but Bethenny gets Dawna
to name her choices out loud: Amanda, Sarah, and Howie.
She only wants people working for her that would want
her to win. Bethenny tells the camera that she is in a
predicament. Because Bethenny has been on the losing
team so many times, she has had to criticize most of the
others in the conference room to get where she is now.
The only candidates who might want her to win who she
likes are Marcela, Chuck, and Jim, and she cant take
Marcela or Chuck [because, frankly, they suck]. Bethenny
decides to pick Ryan, Jim, and Carrie. Dawna is
surprised at the choice of Carrie, but Bethenny thinks
she will work hard anyway.
The next morning they learn from Martha that each of
them will be planning and managing a charity event.
Bethenny will manage the Apple and Eve presents the Big
Apple Circus; proceeds to go the Boys and Girls Club
of America. Dawna will run the Liz Claiborne Fashion
Show and Charity Benefit; proceeds to a domestic
violence charity called Safe Horizon. The team leaders
will be chauffeured to their locations, while the
remaining team members will follow in vans [so that they
can bitch about stuff in private].
Bethenny steps out of the building and immediately gets
into her car. Carrie [flashing more boob than
appropriate, in an apparent attempt to out-breast her
Project Manager] is pissed off, because they have no
idea what they are doing or where they are going. Dawna,
on the other hand, walks right up to the van with her
teammates and gives them a quick pep-talk. Bethenny
finally gives Jim a call via cell-phone to brief them on
the task. Carrie is still pissed, but Jim says they have
to win it for Bethenny: Bethenny is my girl, and we
need to win it for all the bad kids in the world. [Is
he saying that he and Bethenny are the bad kids, or that
the kids who go to Boys and Girls Clubs are bad?] Jim
tells the camera that he was confused about Bethennys
choices of Ryan and Carrie, until he realized that she
had no friends among the former candidates. Carrie
continues, as ever, to be pissed.
Bethenny et al. meet with Jim Roper of the Big Apple
Circus. Jim says that they have a pre-made show, but
then insists that Bethenny is responsible for
coordinating all the acts, the lighting, the sound, the
rigging, pleasing the sponsors (Apple and Eve juice,
Pringles) and the charities, etc., etc. Bethennys
quote: The irony is that the circus is a circus.
Dawna asks Amanda and Howie to manage the fashion show
aspect of her event [since Howie is in the fashion
industry], while she and Sarah coordinate the
party/reception aspects and everything else.
Bethenny and Ryan visit Crobar, a large nightclub that
is the site of their event. When Bethenny asks the
Crobar events manager where things will be set up, she
feigns ignorance and says that Bethenny has to tell her
where to set everything up. [This girl is getting no
help from people who probably should at least be giving
her hints.] Ryan, however, is not impressed at
Bethennys apparent inability to make quick decisions.
At their venue, Kapital, Dawna and Sarah are given a bit
more direction by James LaForce, a professional event
planner, although he also insists that they have to
decide the exact locations of stuff. James thinks that
Dawnas face is constantly buried in her notes.
Amanda and Howie go to pick out the fashions for the
show. They meet with some Liz Claiborne designers, and
Amanda immediately blows it by saying that some of the
clothes are frumpy. Howie tries to salvage the
situation, but also manages to insult the Claiborne
designers. They think about picking a certain number of
outfits in each color, but are basically told by the
designers that is a stupid idea. They both admit to
being clueless about what to do. Howie says that he
works on the business side of his company rather than
the creative side, so picking fashions is not his forte
[which he mispronounces as for-tay, rather than the
correct {but commonly missed} fort. At least this
doesnt bug me as much as when people say they are
giving >100% of their efforts, which would mean an
immediate firing if it were up to me.]
Bethenny meets with her contact from the Boys and
Girls Club, who tells her that they usually make about
$1,000,000 at their charity events. Right then and
there, Bethenny decides to let the event run itself, and
to focus on fundraising. Carrie and Jim work on the
graphic design of a flyer for the event. On the way to
the printers shop, Carrie steps up the bitchiness. She
says that, at some point, Bethenny will have to justify
why she needs to work for her.
Back in the loft, Howie, Jim and Ryan start knocking
back more than a few beers. Howie thinks Dawns doesnt
know, but she hears it all from the next room. Dawns
wonders with Amanda whether she made the right decision
to ask Howie back. Amanda says Howie wont embarrass
himself, but we are shown Howie making stupid chimpanzee
faces while drunk in the kitchen.
Carrie corners Bethenny in the van to ask her why she
should even give a shit. Carrie wants to know why
Bethenny said in the conference room that she (Carrie)
was the weakest player on the team. Bethenny immediately
says that this was true: I wouldnt make that up. I
dont lie. Bethenny wants Carrie to not take what is
said during the game/interview personally, and to just
let things go. Carrie seems disappointed with their
conversation, but feels that she can give Bethenny my
effort, but not my endorsement. [Well, I hope that
makes you feel better, compromising your morals like
that. If youre pissed off, go ahead and sabotage her if
you feel like it. Demand an apology! What have you got
to lose?]
The next morning, Howies got a hangover, but he doesnt
look as bad as he reportedly feels. Dawna and Sarah
check out the fashions chosen by Amanda and Howie, and
they are not happy. Amanda tries to accept
responsibility, but neither Dawna nor the Liz Claiborne
designer are pleased with her dropping the ball.
At Crobar, Bethenny intends to spend the whole day
obtaining donated gift packages for a silent auction.
The circus performers are there, but refuse to make any
decisions without specific guidance. Finally, the circus
manager gets Bethenny off of the phone to demand her
attention. Jim illustrates Bethennys management style
by putting a noose around his neck.
Next Week: The live finale of The Apprentice. Is anyone
still watching this show? You can read Jims letter
here: http://www.nbc.com/The_Apprentice:_Martha_Stewart/letters/index.shtml |