Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and we are all here for another scintillating Round Table.
Jason:  Good evening from NYC.
Gordon: Is everyone scintillated yet?
Joe:  Nah.  Just itchy.
Jason:  I actually took notes this week. I am more prepared than usual.
Gordon: Joining us is Jason Block, Joe Van Ginkel...
Chico:  Welcome from the home of the NATIONAL CHAMPIONS OF COLLEGE BASKETBALL!!!
Gordon: ...and Chico Alexander, the crappy Tar Heel fan.
Chico:  Jealous?
Gordon: Of what? We have no basketball here in the northeast.
Jason:  Chico im'd me all evening...gloating all the way.
Chico:  Ahem, Syracuse.
Jason:  They suck.
Joe:  Congrats to the Tar Heels.
Jason:  Absolutely.
Gordon: The bext team in the northeast we have is...Vermont. Yay, Catamounts!
Chico:  That's... pathetic.
Joe:  I'm glad Cal State Fullerton didn't get into the tourney.
Chico:  And speaking of pathetic, last night, we had SHOWTUNES!
Jason:  This was horrible.
Gordon: Which leads us into SAFE...OR...TROUBLE? You know the deal.
Chico:  *plays Safe or Trouble music*
Jason:  Getting my notes
Gordon: Points if you get the right 3 in the bottom, Blah Blah Blah...
Chico:  Yeah, yeah, l get it.
Jason:  Got it.
Gordon: Staring with...

Scott Savol

Jason:  In Trouble.
Chico:  Big trouble and gone.
Jason:  Horrible.
Gordon: Trouble with a capital T and Out with a capital O.
Joe:  Horrors.
Jason:  Jason H?
Gordon: Both Anthony and Micki thinks he's...safe. Comments?
Chico:  Were they watching the same show we were?
Jason:  No way.
Chico:  They were watching the Paula Abdul version, where everyone did a fantastic job and the judges are all smiley and stuff.
Jason:  My dad thinks Paula is high.
Gordon: I'm glad she's having  fun though....

Carrie Underwood

Jason:  Best performance of the night...bar none. Safe.
Gordon: I agree with the Block  - and she did something that wasn't countrified. Huge kudos to her
Joe:  Safe.
Chico:  Cellophane performance, but that fan base will save her.
Jason:  Chico, how could you say it was cellophane? It was true to the genre.
Chico:  I saw right through it. I didn't see her put anything more than what was absolutely necessary.
Jason:  Bull.
Chico:  She wasn't feeling it worth a lick.
Gordon: I happen to disagree - I thought she played it well, How often do you see Broadway shows, Chico?
Chico:  The last one I saw was Pippin, actually. I didn't feel her. I'm supposed to feel her. And I didn't.
Gordon: You're too busy feeling Paula.
Joe:  ROFL
Gordon: I would say Amanda, but Joe would be jealous.

Constantine Maroulis

Chico:  Better than last week. Safe.
Gordon: Second best performance - and someone else who is crossing over well - safe.
Jason:  I didn't like it...but he is safe.
Joe:  Trouble.  I wasn't feeling it.
Gordon: Trouble? Are you on drugs?
Chico:  Whaaaa?
Jason:  He wasn't THAT bad, Joe.
Gordon: Well, we agree to disagree...

Vonzell Solomon

Jason:  Bland, but safe.
Joe:  Safe.
Chico:  Hmm... I'm going to do something crazy. Nadia was better than Vonzell, and by virtue of that, she's in trouble. I'm applying the Chaos Theory here.
Gordon: Me and Jason actually had this conversation and Jason bitch slapped me for even thinking that Nadia was in trouble.
Chico:  Which she isn't. She ain't in trouble no way.
Jason:  We shall see when you play the tape.
Gordon: I stick with the fact that Anwar isn't going to be in the bottom three.
Jason:  He won't.
Chico:  Nope.
Gordon: Which means that if they are getting votes, then other R&B singers have to be losing them - but I think that Vonzell has enough of a fan base to be ok. Another R&B singer, however, should definitely be worried...

Anthony Fedorov

Jason:  Big trouble.
Joe:  Deep trouble.
Chico:  Kill me... Kill me now for saying this, but...he may stay. If he stays, it'll only be through the grace of his fan base.
Jason:  Again, the Chaos Theory.
Chico:  Again the Chaos Theory, yes. Which means... he'll live. I won't like it, but he'll live. This year's Jasmine Trias, everyone.
Jason:  Ouch. That hurts.
Chico:  Then Simon's going to threaten to quit the show unless he's voted out.
Gordon: I agree with Chico - someone from R&B land has to go - and Anthony isn't in R&B. He'll last another week, because someone else didn't do their job.

Nikko Smith

Joe:  Safe.
Jason:  Safe. Bland but Safe.
Gordon: Chico?
Chico:  I'm thinking a safety.
Gordon: Let me go back to my chaos theory column...The worst thing you can do is to come out safe or lackluster and remind everyone why Anwar was the favorite – because if they remember and vote for him like wildfire, then it will be you who's playing the part of Jessica instead. Is everyone on agreement that Anwar outperformed Nikko?
Joe:  I would say so.
Chico:  .... Point taken.
Jason:  No
Gordon: I would say that he would be out - except that Scott Savol may have rescued him between his rotten performance and the discovery of his off-the-show behavior. He's definitely in trouble, though. He let Anwar off the hook - and that's bad.
Jason:  That I will agree with.

Anwar Robinson

Chico:  He's safe.
Jason:  Yes.
Gordon: safe safe safe safe safe
Chico:  He did good.
Jason:  He did OK. He wasn't out of the park.
Joe:  Safe. )rrsafe
Gordon: He did enough to save himself.

Nadia Turner

Joe:  Safe.
Jason:  2nd best performance of the night--way safe.
Chico:  Hmm.. Safe.
Gordon: I want to say trouble - but then there'd  be too many troubles I'd be giving out - lol.
Chico:  You just didn't like the night overall.
Gordon: I think that only four people - Carrie, Constantine, Anwar and Bo, did what they needed to do. I didn't think she was great,  HOWEVER, she DID outsing Vonzell and she did have Scott crash and burn, so I think she's safe.
Chico:  That leaves...

Bo Bice

Chico:  Safe.
Gordon: I thought he did good - safe.
Jason:  Bo is in big trouble.
Gordon: Bo? Nah.
Jason:  He was abysmally bad.
Gordon: I actually thought he was smart when he picked something different. Me and Jason also had a LONG conversation on this
Joe:  Safe.
Chico:  I've seen him at his worst. This wasn't it.
Jason:  He is in my three trouble awards tonight.
Gordon: I'll say this - if Bo gets in the bottom three, Jay - you get DAP.
Jason:  Ok.
Chico:  Okay, enough dap. It's SHOWTIME!
Gordon: So.... to sum this up...

Chico:  Two friends of the same mind...
Gordon: Everyone has Anthony - again.
Joe:  Makes sense.
Gordon: And we're live!
Chico:  And Ryan isn't wearing a cheesy t-shirt. "The show that will end another dream." Way to put it.
Gordon: To dream...the impossible dream....which Scott sang. Foreshadowing?
Chico:  Also on the stage... Fantasia!
Jason:  Yay.
Gordon: blech.
Chico:  Please elaborate.
Gordon: To paraphrase Joe, Fantasia = Teh Suck.
Jason:  Fantasia was the least deserving AI Winner.
Gordon: And yes, I know she's from Carolina.
Chico:  Actually, I can't think of one season 3 person who deserved to win.
Gordon: Latoya London.
Jason:  Amen.
Chico:  Oh yeah, her.
Gordon: I'll say this though - if William Hung somehow got in, I wouldn't have been surprised if he won it.
Chico:  Heh. Okay, now to the result... of the online voting for the Red Cross single. Also, the votes.. 32.8 million of them. New record!
Gordon: Which mangled song will win?
Chico:  It's... When You Tell Me That You Love Me... Was that the good one?
Gordon: Uh....no. Its my favorite one of the three...when sung correctly.
Jason:  No.
Chico:  Oh, never matter, all three songs will be on the single, so you can just go to the good one... and press repeat.
Gordon: There was no good one.
Chico:  It'll be in store April 19.
Jason:  Horrible.
Chico:  I remember #2 was better than the other two. At least in my eyes.
Gordon: The only thing that could be worse if Fantasia sang now...wait a second.
Chico:  Thanks, Gordon!
Gordon: #2 was the best - but that's like saying that the cat souffle tasted better than the figgy roach pudding.
Jason:  Ok I just ate.
Gordon: Want some souffle? No peanuts in it...
Chico:  Anyway, we're serving up a #1 R&B hit here. It's called "Truth Is".
Jason:  #2 on the pop charts.
Chico:  ... and segue into "I Believe"...Which... I didn't think you could do. Change that. I didn't think you SHOULD do.
Gordon: You guys can finish this segment while I look for my eardrums. They just fell off and ran screaming into the bathroom.
Chico:  "You gotta believe!" Fantasia's doing "Parappa the Rapper" now!
Gordon: I believe I am going to be ill.
Jason:  Paula: I am high so I don't care.
Chico:  Randy: Fantasia's the BOMB!
Gordon: Whammy: I'm open! Throw me the bomb! Throw me the (BLAM!)!
Chico:  Ryan: "Free Yourself" sold 1 million. Certified platinum. Fantasia's advice to the Idols: Act ugly. Uh.... anyone? Insert joke here?
Jason:  You can fool a lot of the people some of the time.
Joe:  lol
Gordon: Don't look at me. I didn't vote for her
Chico:  I didn't vote period. Maybe that was the problem.
Gordon: I blame YOU for the disappearance of Latoya London!
Chico:  You blame me for everything.
Gordon: pbbbbt

(Roundtable Idol has been brought to you by Running Eardrums, the newest brand of disposable earwear... that runs... and stuff.)

Chico:  Oh, did we mention that Ruben Studdard and Kimberly Caldwell are in the audience? Yeah, apparently they're in some show called "Life on a Stick", and apparently, it still sucks.
Joe:  Gah!
Gordon: You know you're show is in trouble what you're not even at episode #5 and you have to plug the celebrities over the stars.
Chico:  Okay, back to the show... and this week's Ford Commercial.
Gordon: oh no.
Joe:  Yeha.
Chico:  It's pretty much straightforward.. except for the cutting faces. "Everybody Got Their Something," the song. One person... has NOTHING. That person... is out. Now to the results... for reals.
Jason:  Do I have to ^_^ myself if things go bad?
Chico:  No - Gordon'll do it.
Joe:  ROFL
Gordon: I have the ^_^ button here.
Chico:  Finger on the button. OKAY...Nikko hopes for "One Hand, One Heart"... And he's the first one... in the bottom 3.
Jason:  Whoa baby!
Gordon: Point for me!
Jason:  Big Surprise there.
Gordon: Gimme DAP!
Jason:  Dap given.
Chico:  Vonzell wants some people to line up for her...and they don't. Also in the bottom three. Who called it? Oh yeah. That would be me.
Gordon: I was going to put her down, too. Mother f(^_^).
Jason:  (^_^)
Gordon: Dap for Chico - and stupidity for me who changed my mind.
Chico:  Scott dreamt the impossible dream...and got a nightmare. Also in the bottom three.
Gordon: There would have been lots of ^_^ing if he wasn't in the bottom.
Joe:  I'll bet.
Jason:  Wait! Anthony is safe? What the f(^_^)? Everyone else is safe then.
Gordon: Bo is safe - no DAP for Jason.
Chico:  We go to Bo, who is "extremely shocked." "It wasn't my genre, and I could've done a lot better. The three that are standing there did a great job."
Jason:  Ok...now Bo is on crack.
Chico:  Anthony agrees with Simon's hideous comment. He's thankful to his fans for sticking with him.
Jason:  Anthony is the luckiest SOB in the world.
Gordon: Nah - too many R&B singers remaining - time to thin the ranks a little. I can't say I'm that surprised.
Jason:  My choice is out.
Joe:  Wow.
Chico:  So Vonzell, Nikko, or Scott is going home. One will return to the couches immediately... after the break.
Joe:  Methinks Scott's going bye-bye. I love him to death, but I think he's toast.
Chico:  See, you could never do this with Pop Idol, because everyone in England is pure pop...
Jason:  How in the blue h(^_^) can Anthony still be there?
Gordon: Everyone voted to save Anwar and Nadia and forgot about the rest of the R&B singers. That's the Chaos Theory in it's finest form.
Jason:  I am SO peeved.
Chico:  You're angry... YOU'RE angry?! I ... am... livid. I... may... vomit.
Jason:  Uh Oh...angry Tar Heel.
Chico:  America... What the h(^_^) is up with you!?
Jason:  America...you keep Anthony on more than one more week...and you are d(^_^) stupid.
Joe:  Unless Anthony comes with it.
Jason:  I don't care if he comes with it or not,
Joe:  We'll find out what happens to him next week.
Jason:  He does not deserve to be in this competition period.
Chico:  Agreed.
Jason:  He was saved by the Chaos Theory.
Gordon: I hate to say this, Jason - but Nadia could leave next week if everyone tilts and votes to keep Vonzell and Nikko in.
Jason:  Let's see what happens now.
Chico:  We're back with Vonzell, Nikko, and Scott... One person is headed back to safety. Randy thinks that America is confused.
Jason:  No kidding.
Chico:  Paula is surprised to ... aw, who the hell are we kidding. She's rooting for everyone! *faux smiles*
Joe:  That's normal.
Chico:  Simon still stands by the cardinal rule of judging this competition: Let America have the vote, live with the decision. Okay... Scott.... and Nikko... are bottom 2. Vonzell is safe. That is
America's decision. And...one more commercial.
Gordon: Is Scott in the bottom because more of his past or because of his singing last night?
Jason:  Both.
Chico:  Put me down for one of each. But if it were up to me... Anthony would've been gone a long time ago. Okay, final decision. Nikko or Scott?
Gordon: Scott. It wouldn't surprise me if Nikko left, though, since he got outsung by Anwar.
Jason:  Scott.
Chico:  Scott. Big Joey Numbers?
Joe:  Scott.
Chico:  Okay, we go to the interviews. Nikko came, went, came again. What went wrong? "Last night was kinda hard for everybody. I just did the best that I could. I feel  blessed to be here now."
Joe:  I do hope I'm wrong.  But I do think Scott is toast.
Chico:  Scott: "I just expect that whatever God has in store for me. Embrace your imperfections. We all learn every day. I don't look at this as a downfall. It's just another step."
Chico:  NOW... the result. "Scott....You....Are safe."
Joe:  WOW.
Jason:  A damn travesty.
Chico:  WHAT...THE...BLOODY...F(^_^)!?
Joe:  Am I glad I'm wrong. And again, America makes us look stupid.
Gordon: This is the second straight week I am the only person to have the person that's going home in the bottom three - but I don't put them as out. F(^_^)ing son of a B(^_^)!
Jason:  America. I am saying this to you. If you do not vote off Anthony or Scott next week. You will prove to me once again that the voters are idiots.
Chico:  No. America's just not picking the right singer. As we are soon to forget, as much as we don't want this to be the case, American Idol is nothing more than glamourized karaoke with a popularity contest element added.
Gordon: I don't know if the audience were complete idiots - Nikko was ok, but he wasn't going to win this.
Chico:  Yep.
Joe:  *shrug*
Chico:  So you're saying this was all a wash?
Gordon: However, that's a HUGE break for Anwar, who has one less R&B male to deal with and can now virtually solidify a fan base to get himself into the final 4.
Jason:  Agreed. But based on the performances last night. Anthony and Scott should have been in the bottom 2, and Anthony is given a free pass for crappy singing.
Gordon: I don't disagree on SHOULD - however, Anthony and Scott's fans KNEW he was in trouble, and Nikko's fans thought that he could skate without their votes. Wrong. St. Louis, apparently, was too busy celebrating near the Final Four than to vote for their number one son. They should have remembered Nikko's departure from 3 weeks ago, but if you don't remember your mistakes...
Joe:  Buntybuntybunty.
Jason:  The fan bases are tone deaf.
Chico:  Well, you needed a shocker week to "bring balance to the force"? Here you go.
Jason:  Anthony and Scott Savol s(^_^). Take that in your pipe America.
Joe:  ROFL
Gordon: Did someone say let's see the point standings?
Jason:  sure

Gordon - 14
Chico - 12
Jason - 11
Joe - 10
Anthony - 9
Michelle - 1

Chico:  Didn't you have 11 last week?
Gordon: yep
Jason:  How did you get 3?
Gordon: 2 points for the two in the bottom three, and 1 point for having the out Nikko in my bottom 3. Chico gets 2 for Vonzell and Scott. Jason gets 1 for Scott. Joe gets 1 for Scott. Anthony and Michelle, who both had Nadia, Anwar and Anthony gets babaganoush.
Chico:  America... I am infinitely disappointed. Your chairman is not pleased. You have one week to make amends.. or else I switch it over to The Office ...
Gordon: Aieeeee
Jason:  That makes 2 of us. America, you made the wrong choices this week. Big time.
Gordon: And if you live in St. Louis and didn't vote, you are a bunt. This is Gordon, and for Jason, Chico and Joe (with the absentia Anthony and Micki), have a good night.
Jason:  Good night all.
Gordon: So with that, we leave the grumbling panelists.
Chico:  He's grumbling on the inside.
Jason:  Grumble and good night.