17/18 - Group 2
The search for the next
American Idol continues with eight more people, nee
Group 2. Ryan welcomes us to the most popular show on TV
(*fanfare*). Now if he had that much interest, maybe I'd
watch On Air.
In any event, today promises to be probably one of the
most heated battles in all of Idols history, as the
Roman brothers go toe to toe... But then again, they
can't discount any of he other six, and speaking of the
other six, we begin with Matt Rogers, the slightly
balding, greatly pudgy Italian crooning linebacker from
the LA audition. He loves making people laugh, but will
his performance of "What You Won't Do for Love" (and his
metrosexual tendencies) make us cry? Or will his request
to "feel me" come to fruition?
In a word... No. I love this song, and he just goes from
flat notewise to flat emotionally and back again. Dude,
this is a one-in-four shot at the show. You need to sell
it like a whore. But it seemed like he was trying to
save it a bit. There's no saving it this time. Not even
a stellar ending.
Randy: "I wasn't feeling it tonight. It sounded safe to
me. Didn't sound like the Matt I knew."
Paula: "You got into it, but I didn't feel that
confidence you exuded earlier."
Simon: "I would give that performance a three out of
So we have our first definite "go home." We also have
our first Bri, aka Briana Ramirez-Rial. Her suspenders
give her super powers, as does her dad (God rest his
soul). Time to feel the power of "Don't Know Why"? In
another word... No. Didn't start out strong. Struggles
all through the rest. I don't know why she even tried to
sing it based on that performance, and I hope you didn't
quit your day job.
Randy: "I love Norah Jones, but I don't even know what
to even say to that."
Paula: "I don't feel like I got to see your nice tone."
Simon: "It was just NOTHING! I actually said to Paula,
'What the hell are you supposed to say constructively to
I hope this isn't a portent of things to come, because
these guys are flat-out sucking. Luckily, we have part
one of the basher brothers, Noel Roman. It feels weird
for him at first, but he grows into his performance of
"This I Promise You." Sounds good, but falls flat fast.
You can tell he's holding back. I think we might have a
case of RJ Helton here. Add a few weak struggles, and it
looks like Jesus might make this a one-sided fight.
Randy: "That was terrible! You got five notes right out
Paula: "Where's that dynamic personality?"
Simon: "If the judging criteria were for managing for
singing every note out of tune, you would win tonight.
It was absolutely excruciating."
Three and out, and I'm about prepared to punt. After a
plug for "Uncut, Uncensored, and Untalented" (which
will, no doubt, feature most of tonight's performances
as well as William Hung - his face is on the bug and
everything!), I'm hoping that Kara Master will come to
save us. Her fashion sense is a plus, but is her
performance of "I'm Outta Love" a minus? In a word...
maybe. It's safe, but she didn't really add herself into
the piece. But tonewise and pitchwise, and compared to
the other three, she sounds like a professional. That's
not saying much, by the way. What did the judges think
of "Julia DeMato, but better?"
Randy: "Wasn't for me. Pick a better song and sing it
Paula: "Hard song to sing. Anastacia had a huge voice."
Simon: "A good thing we didn't have to charge the
audience tonight, because they'd ask for a refund. The
way it's heading, no one's going to win tonight!"
Well, we're halfway done. And right now I'm pining for
Martha Krabill and Scootergirl. Will Lisa Leuschner
break the slide? Please let her break the slide! Karaoke
assistant? Confession: hopes aren't high at the moment.
But her voice might be high on "Sweet Thing". Might.
Actually, she's not half bad. The first singer to inject
herself successfully in the song. And I like the soulful
tone of her voice. Let's see what the judges have to
Randy: "Finally! Somebody that can sing! Thank God!"
Paula: "I'm happy for you. You did yourself proud."
Simon: "You did something tonight. You sang in tune. It
was good, but it wasn't fantastic."
Could she be a turnaround point? Will Jesus save? Jesus
Roman is next, still thinking about "believing in
himself." Because if he can't, the public won't. Luckily
the public won't have to judge him on push-ups, but he
might have to go "Back at One." And with a swagger and
weakness at that, we might be going ALL the way back at
Randy: "This performance makes me feel like we're back
Paula: "You came out defeated."
Simon: "The good news is you made your brother sound
OUCH! Jesus has left the room. Enter Camile Velasco from
Hawaii. She couldn't conquer her nerves in the first
audition. It seems like she hasn't made any strides in
that department. "One Last Cry" is the song, and so far,
I want to cry. Dead on pitch cancels out a flat,
emotionless tone... But then again, the ending wasn't
Randy: "The tone was there, but this definitely wasn't
the song for you. You're like a young Lauryn Hill!"
Paula: "It's very unique."
Simon: "You've got potential. You're probably the best
Well, Randy and Simon seem to agree with me on the
performance tonight. You know what else I agree with?
That Simon deserves a punch in the face. Well, Homer
Simpson gets his wish this Sunday on "The Simpsons."
Finally, Joy to the world, and Joy to the stage. It's
Marisa Joy. Will she bring Joy to my face (finally) with
"Some Kind of Wonderful." Hmm... Joy... Wonderful...
Reminds me more of Joss Stone than Grand Funk. And
that's not necessary a bad thing. She's probably the
best there was tonight. Finally... some joy.
Randy: "Vocally, it was okay. What was with the stance?"
(she just crouches singing)
Paula: "Your eyes just light up on camera. I really felt
you 3/4 of the way through the song."
Simon: "It's not difficult to go after that lot. You
have something in your voice that was really good, but
you have the posture of a bar singer. I think you were
in the top three tonight."
A nice finish to an otherwise "abysmal" night. I'd put
the three best performances in my top three. Those would
be Camile, Marisa, and Lisa, with Camile on the outside
looking in. The judges agree with me, but we'll see if
the voice of the people agrees with me tomorrow.
it's tomorrow, meaning that it's time for... RE-sult!
Here's Gordon to join me in sharing in the disaster that
was last night.
Gordon: That show yesterday was awful.
Chico: My guess... Marisa and Lisa. Those were the only
two I genuinely liked wholly.
Gordon: I'll say Lisa and Matt. Matthew Metzger almost
got in with NO talent - Rogers, who actually has talent,
will get in.
Chico: Yeah, but he only got as far as top 3. You saying
that Rogers could go on the outside looking in?
Gordon: I think he's on the inside - and the Hawaiian is
on the outside
Chico: First is 27.8%, second is 27.0%
Gordon: And the reason why its so close is that you had
4 possibles and 4 William Hungs. And 2 of the my NYC
boys didn't sound nearly as good as Mr. 'She Bangs'
Chico: I counted five Hungs, including Matt Rogers.
Gordon: Which 3 did you like?
Chico: Marisa, Camile, and Lisa. You?
Gordon: Lisa, Matt, Camile
Chico: But that's ours... Let's see what America says...
Gordon: It amazes me that some of these people got in -
but Scootergirl didn't get a whiff? She sang in tune and
didn't screw up a single line in the auditions - I
expect to see her in the Wild Card round.
Chico: You know, I don't know. I'm still reeling from
that. Her and Martha Krabill.
Gordon: My parents, for what it's worth, liked Matt and
Briana in the finals.
Chico: Well, my sibs liked Lisa and Marisa.
Gordon: But unlike Camille, they don't find Simon sexy.
Chico: So the three of us in agreement. And so are the
judges. Randy says Camile and Lisa. Paula says Camile
and Lisa. Simon says Camile... and not anyone else,
because he doesn't care.
Gordon: But he's still sexy.
Chico: Glad you feel that way.
Gordon: If he gives me a million dollar singing
contract, I'll find him deliciously sexy.
Chico: He's not actually giving it to you, though.
America's giving it to you. That's a lot of sexiness
Gordon: I find America verrrrrrry sexy. I'm too sexy for
my Randy, too Sexy for my Simon, but not too sexy for
Chico: He's a sexy bitch, America.
Gordon: You vote for me, America, I'll be your sexy
bitch. And I'll sing She Bangs with my good buddies
William Hung, Ricky and Edgar - but if the singers sing
the way that they do - William Hung may be brought back
to the Wild Card - just because he has more potential.
Chico: Let's just hope he doesn't get the votes. He
doesn't need the attention. Gordon: If they sing like
this, I'll vote for him. Seriously, seeing how America
voted last week, charisma counts just as much as
singing, Matt is a lock for the Top 3 - three women will
never make the top 3
Chico: Plug the idolonfox.com site, by the way. Okay,
results time. First, Noel: Randy hated it. Paula hated
it. Simon hated it. America hated it.
Gordon: GONG! And Jesus looks like he's going with him
Chico: Jesus: Randy hated it, Paula was sorry for him,
and Simon hated it as well... another gong, please.
Chico: But Jesus had more votes.
Gordon: ok - Half a GONG!
Chico: Wow. Lisa: Randy liked it. Paula LOVED it. Simon
thought it was alright... She's in the TOP 3!
Gordon: I called Lisa, thanks you very much.
Chico: Me too, dude... Me too... Kara: Randy, Paula, and
Simon didn't really like it that much.
Chico: America didn't like it that much either. Camile.
This was my other one... Randy says "aight." Paula said
"incredible". Simon said "probably the best"... TOP
THREE! That was me, baby. That was me.
Gordon: I had her in the Top 3 too.
Chico: Bri: Randy didn't like it. Paula liked it
somewhat, and Simon didn't see anything... And that's
all we see of her.
Gordon: Bye bye Bri =( - GONG!
Chico: Leaving us with Matthew and Marisa... Matthew:
Randy wasn't feeling it tonight. Paula wasn't feeling it
either. Simon was feeling a three out of ten.
Chico: Marisa: Randy says okay. Paula says beautiful.
Simon likes her voice, but hates her posture.
Chico: I say Lisa, Gordon says Matthew.
Gordon: And we get a commercial break.
Chico: I've seen stranger things happen. And yes, a
commercial break is one of them.
Gordon: Stranger than a commercial break - how about MAN
VS. BEAST 2!!!!! Yes, we'll be recapping it on this
Chico: Whoa... Now THAT's strange!
Gordon: And Chico in a leather leopard bikini.
Chico: That's just scary. That's scary and wrong. That's
scary and wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself.
How could you think about that?
Gordon: I went out of my head when Jesus and Roman sang
- they caused me to think perverted thoughts. They sang
me right out of my mind.
Chico: I had to have a few adult beverages to put those
sounds out of my head.
Chico: Okay, time for the reveal... In the top three
Gordon: Yeah baby. I told you so - now put on that
bikini!!! On second thought - please don't.
Chico: Hell no. I say they bring Marisa back, because
she was alright... Okay, first finalist.... with
Gordon: Camile is in first, eh? This could be an all
female Idol because I do think that Lisa outsang Matt.
Chico: American Divas Live. Lots of head gyrations...
Gordon: aww -she's crying. AwwwwwBarf
Chico: She's crying and singing... Isn't that sweet...
Gordon: What's Hawaiian for AwwwwBarf?
Gordon: That works.
Chico: Let's hope she's down to her last cry, because
she's got a lot more singing before all is said and
done. Now it's down to Lisa and Matt. I say Lisa.
Gordon: Matt had the worse performance - but he had the
better charisma going in - I say he pulls a Rickey Smith
and sneaks in. But even if he doesn't, I'd like to point
out that I'm 3 for 3, which makes me 5 for 6 so far.
Chico: You're saying that you know something I don't?
Gordon: I did this week =)
Chico: Because I'm 4 for six myself. I didn't see
Matthew Metzger going in.
Gordon: I know one more singer than you do - heh heh heh
- Don't forget the worst of American Idol on March first
- right to lead up to Forever Eden.
Chico: Dance, William Hung... Dance.
Chico: Hey, Gordon! Ask me who's going to be on the show
Gordon: Chico, who's going to be on the show next week?
Chico: That would be Amy Adams, Elizabeth Letendre, John
Peter Lewis, Latoya London, Charly Lowrey, Jonah Moananu,
Leah Labelle, and Eric Yoder.
Gordon: That's amazing Chico - and who just advanced
into the finals?
Chico: Matthew Rogers... freak =p
Gordon: MWA HA HA HA HA. I am right - again. Idolize me,
America, as I am your sexy bitch.
Chico: I am three for four on the top 12. And I say he
doesn't get as far as top 6.
Gordon: I am three for four as well. I say he pulls a
Clay Aiken and improves his way to the Top 4. This is
the first good white singer that they have had - he
could be a serious threat to win the whole thing.
Chico: We'll see. Right now, we need eight spots to
fill, and I need... that's nice, Matt. Very...
Gordon: He's an emotional psychotic football
player/singer - we all know that America needs one of
Chico: Yeah. Someone to be scared of. That'll grab the
ladies. Okay, that's it this week. Back next week with
less sour notes and more bombastic performances, if
we're lucky. Good night!
Gordon: See ya!